Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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