Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
