im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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