he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
