Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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