if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
