I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
