i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
