I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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