i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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