white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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