good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
