4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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