I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
