I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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