It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
