FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
