I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
