Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
