Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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