I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
