I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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