Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
