why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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