what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
