I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
