you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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