Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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