Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
