if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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