I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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