I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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