Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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