TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
