I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
