is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
