I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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