just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
