I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love having hate sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
