after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
