and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i believe in u and ur pee
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
