and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
