i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
