she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
