I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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