i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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