I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
