Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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