i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
