so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
