someone threw a dead crab at me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I will pee on everything he values.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
