Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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