ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
