I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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