Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
