oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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