we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
