I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
two words: eviction party
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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