My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
